


T.A.S. Preview ; Ascending Through Assessments

by insomniacOlympian



Category: Original - Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Frontier, Alternate Universe - Future, Alternate Universe - Space, Dark Character, Dark Fairy Tale Elements, Dark Fantasy, F/M, Far Future, Gen, Ghosts, Hallucinations, IN SPACE!, Near Future, Outer Space, Schizophrenia, Spirit Animals, Spirit Guides, Spirit World, Spirits, Spiritual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25663438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insomniacOlympian/pseuds/insomniacOlympian
Summary: A short drabble for an itch I had to scratch with an original character from a book I'm writing.





	T.A.S. Preview ; Ascending Through Assessments

Essra couldn't recall a single part of her life where she'd been able to sit or stand still, 100 % of the time. 

Being fair to herself, the older and older she got the more her energy was easier to control and it had always went away when she was calm or working on something, anyway.

Once she'd reached her teenage years, it didn't even need to be controlled. It wasn't gone, just subdued. 

That energy always came back to fill her, though. 

Sometimes she just went with it when she felt the need to lighten the mood - for herself /or/ other people. (Ideally & usually it was for both but it really depended on her mood.)

Sometimes, far more worryingly? Essras energy was like something completely separate from her.

It was a good thing as much as a bad thing. Not to be controlled but channeled & used - whether for activities physical or mental. Like anger, inner energy was just something that "Essy" had not only learned to live with it but use for focus and /to/ focus.

("Essy.~" "Ezra." "The Bird Boy!" "The Bird Girl!" "Caesar Salad!") 

She just wished that sadness could go the same way. That one, she'd never learned how to deal with besides hide until she felt safe enough to feel it - with people she trusted but more often alone.

("Ez & Sketch!" "Bird Boy!" "Bird Girl?" "Julius." "Julia." "Caesar." "Ra.")

The amount of energy that she'd had as a kid was downright embarrassing, looking back at it. [Even if she didn't really believe in that sort of thing, just felt it.]  
Back then, it'd been a constant problem unless she was doing something. 

She'd played with her pencils and pens. Tapped those or her fingers unto desks. Tapped her feet upon the dirt, or the floor. Wriggled. Squirmed. Shifted. Paced. Danced.

[Some nights, she'd have to move her legs for an hour or two just to get enough energy out to fall asleep, if it was a night where she /wanted/ to sleep.] 

It was almost a self-fulfilling prophecy that this would be made worse, too. Or better? 

Either way anyone else looked at it, the simple truth was that Essy had found out that adults and other children hated & loved her sheer amount of energy in equal measure. 

The energy to itself and how it was obviously unable to not be shown off.

The things she used it for, whether for ''good'' or ''bad.'' Kindness or mischief? 

So as she got further and further into primary school, inner energy had nervous energy added to it as well, not that Essy decided to tell anyone then. 

Her parents had to hear about how she couldn't even sit still in a chair, why would they want to hear about how nervous Essy was - all of the time, too? Other people were obviously nervous around "him" as well, anyway.

They didn't want to hear about how Essy could literally feel her bones sometimes, or her veins.

How sometimes she got so angry that it felt like her insides and outsides were both on fire at the same time. 

How she could channel that and punch or kick far harder then she knew someone her age and size should be able to. 

[Not to mention lift things that were far too big for her to be able to move so easily. Her parents had loved her as an assistant at their auto & mechanics shop. Her friends & siblings with whatever they needed help with, too.] 

Which was nice & useful enough in that way yet It was even worse because it'd made her feel like she was different from almost everyone else around her, in a very bad way. 

He was obviously at /least/ a little different then most people around him, in different ways.

[Like secretly feeling like "he'd'' been born in the wrong body?] 

If her body was "stupid," her brain definitely wasn't, though.

Everything teachers teached Essy almost always instantly clicked. If it didn't, just a quick explanation was all she needed to figure out things for herself, from there.

She breezed through understanding explanations and the written word both in a way that a lot of other kids around her obviously didn't. 

This meant that classwork was finished for Essy far before anyone else in every class except mathematics, the only one where she had to put actual /effort/ into thinking. 

It was a reason why Essy had both hated & loved math in equal measure. 

So she'd started reading books under the table almost constantly in every other class but that got just her into trouble /more/ then nervous habits had.

She kept doing it, though - there wasn't much else to do until gym or recess and once she'd learned something once, it stuck. There was no need for her to listen to the teachers explanation of the classwork and double checking that everyone understood it once she'd /done/ it.

Plus, Essy /liked/ to learn things. Imagine them. Visualize them. Understand them.

Think about them. 

Feel them. 

Figure them out.

It almost felt like she was recognizing things, sometimes. 

Finding them.

Why should teachers be angry about a kid who wanted to learn more then she was learning in class, anyway? Wasn't that what you'd think they'd want, just off of the way their job worked and what it was for? 

To help kids get smarter? Or if that was too simplistic of a way to look at it, to give them knowledge to use? Act smarter? 

Either way, it was a waste of time to even think about - adults had been confusing and too often contradictory for Ms. Coils liking when she was a kid and anyway, it's not like there'd ever been much time to ask them about their intentions unless they were family members. 

Not that you could even trust those ones to be telling the truth all the time but still, at least there was /something,/ there.

[Although Essy suspected that teachers at school would be more then willing to talk to her too, if they had the free time to and weren't on schedules for a job. Teachers had to make money just like everyone else in her life. 

Although it seemed like not everyone in the /world/ had to make money. Some of them just /had/ it. Or were born into it. There was something wrong, there.]

Adults ran the world and each other and there were billions of them, the ones in control of Essys own personal world didn't really matter to /her/ past function - which was being authority figures, ultimately - even if they mattered to themselves. People they knew & that knew them. 

When it came to function they were utterly boring for their lack of what they could be for her, even if they were always interesting /people./ 

So with family & neighbourhood adults as conversation partners and or just condescending as fuck and other children as just fellow conspirators and friends, Essy ended up teaching herself two ways to control her energy just because /she/ found it annoying to deal with, let alone the way people reacted to it. 

Adults found plenty of ways to scare Essy into erasing it completely but that just made them think of the way they treated her own dog - or her younger siblings - at home. 

Books during classes. 

Running or walking around the neighborhood before she went home for the day and had to deal with the daily routine that was her family, neighbors, neighborhood friends & sometimes relatives - which usually lead to more walks or runs, throughout the day.

[Sometimes those trips were at night, when they were feeling very angry, brave, bored or sad.] 

To be fair, Essy needed to talk to people who'd be willing to have a conversation with her. 

After a while though, even those ended up being boring - it'd just gotten to the point where it was so bad off of reading books & constantly dealing with people - not to mention all kinds of people - that Essy could start guessing what others were going to say before they even said it.

Her guesses for the end of sentences were almost always dead on. 

[Essy knew that people weren't faking agreement out of fear or to get her to shut up, either. The responses were always commonly used phrases for "yes." and her guesses always lead the conversation where the other person would want to take it.] 

People were infinitely interesting and yet again, utterly boring and so often looked to Essy for advice that they were then completely willing to ignore - not to mention not interested in where it had actually came from. 

They were always in trouble, with small things and or very big things - and it hurt to worry about them so constantly. To /see/ them worry, so constantly.  
Even if was nice to help them and very, /very/ nice to see them laugh or smile.

If it wasn't that though, it was Essys own unending physical energy & constant brainstorming that was just as annoying. Actually, that was /worse/ in a way because there was no way Essy could even "escape'' it. 

So running around the neighborhood quickly became running into and through the fields, parks & the forests. They were the only places where Essy could be everything at once - or none of it - without being judged.

They were the only places where she could be her energy instead of the energy being her.

The only places where she could think about people but not actually /be/ around them. 

Or they were the only places where she could be alone. Besides with books, of course. 

(Essy was never alone /in/ books, though.)

Homes away from home. 

So that was how running through nature settings replaced running through the streets as a daily routine and eventually, even that changed - because she'd ended up finding a path deep in the forest where no one else went. 

For any child this would be a Godsend - for "him", it might as well be heaven itself. 

It ended up leading to a clearing that had made Essy come to a complete stop, the first time she'd walked up to it. 

It was round and perfectly symmetrical. Spherical?

Trees - old trees - were ringed around the clearing in a way that made Essy think of a crowd, or maybe a fence. It felt like she'd been somewhere just like this, a long time ago. 

She'd read about meditation- somewhere, sometime. This seemed like it'd be the best place to try it. It was, too. 

Facing the clearing from either side of it and staring off at the path. 

Or sitting on the actual sides and staring off into the woods. 

Sitting in the center and facing either of those two beautifully peaceful sights. 

It just worked for Essy. All other people were gone which was sad but kind of nice, too. 

They were still /there,/ they just weren't /here./ 

More importantly, all of her energy was gone and all that was left was her thoughts.

Even those could go if she wanted them to - and then all that was left was feelings, or feeling nothing at all. 

''Shockingly,'' Essy went to that clearing every day after finding out that they could have all of that. 

(Or none of it.)

It was the most amazing thing in the world - so simple and yet so complicated and always leading to thoughts that worked in exactly the same way. 

That's how it would have ended, probably. The habit of a lonely and smart child who needed a place to escape - not where they could act out or act up but be quiet and still. 

One who would have found other habits that would've helped to focus herself, especially as she learned more about how she worked. 

Instead there came another day where everything changed. 

It was bright and sunny with sunlight fed through the trees to make the grass shine and the dirt seem to blaze with how /alive/ it looked - both to itself and the way it looked in the light. 

[Both of those things, at the same time.]

From what Essy could see of the sky, it was clear with maybe a few clouds. A day that was almost insulting with how average it was, with what happened next.  
There was someone standing in the clearing - what she'd started to feel was /her/ clearing, even though she knew /thinking/ that it was hers would have been horrible, in a way.

Upon closer inspection though, something was off about this person. 

The boots were too dark - almost to the point of looking like shadows. 

The pants were silky and looked like they were alive, somehow. 

Same with the shirt - which was something more akin to an apron. Or a smock, or a tunic. 

It was someone with far, far darker skin then hers - another interesting little tidbit about life that always stuck out to Essy because that's what it was, on a base level - someone that stuck out. 

Looking completely different & yet exactly the same, at the same time. 

(Although she figured if the demographic when it came to color had been different in her town, it'd be the other way with how she felt. She was light-skinned for her section of the spectrum but she still had darker skin then a lot of children around, herself. She almost always did a double-take at paler "white" people, too. 

They were very pretty, even the ones who were assholes. Most of the people in her little corner of Prometheus were outdoors a lot of the time and tended to be a dark pink or tan, though.]

So dark skin wasn't what switched Essys thought process from thinking that this was "someone" to "something."

It was the fact that whatever this was had a human-shaped body and head but no /face./ 

No facial features. Just smooth "skin." 

The "skin" (or maybe covering because /what the fuck was this?/) was completely smooth & yet.. not. It seemed craggled & gritty and yet also amorphous, like it was both made of smoke and had smoke running over it. Through it. 

It was liquid. It was alive. 

The covering of this creature had the same consistency as the boots it was wearing.

It wasn't Albino. It wasn't Pale. It didn't have Pink undertones or Red ones to its White skin. 

It didn't have Tan, Olive or Red Skin, either. 

It wasn't Brown & it wasn't even that Dark Brown skin color that she'd always thought was so pretty, too. 

[Even if they thought that everyone looked beautiful.]

It was..

All of those things at once.

None of them.  
=============  
It almost looked like it was a dark grey or blue or maybe even purple, except that was just what was on the top "layer" of skin. 

Underneath, all she could see was flowing onyx or obsidian. 

Looking at both, it looked like a tar pit.

What someone would look like if they were literally made out of the dark. Out of shadows. 

It was almost like a parody of a Human when it came to color, shape & size and it didn't have a /face./

[For a second, she thought about how terrifying this thing would look like if it had Light Skin, instead.]

Light grey or yellow or maybe even violet. 

Underneath, cream or silk.

Looking at both, it'd look like a sinkhole.

What someone would look like if they were literally made out of light. Out of clouds.)

Thinking of both, she changed her mind. Not a parody - an insult. Its head was turned sideways, too- the way an animal or a very, very angry person would be. It wasn't moving to attack her though, it was just standing there.

The only part that was moving was its arms, slowly swaying. It was disarming how /awkward/ that seemed. All she could think about for a moment was a bird even though this thing didn't have a beak - or a nose, for that matter.

Maybe the way it looked didn't matter. It seemed more like a being then a monster. Maybe it was an Alien? 

Or an Angel? (A tiny, desperate little part of her hoped that this was a God, or /God./) 

There was no mouth either but hey, if it could /see/ her even though it had no eyes, maybe it could talk without being able to speak? 

"Who are you? Or maybe, /what/ are you? What're you doing here?"

No response. 

"... do you need something? Someone? Me?"

Still no response. 

"... do you just need some help with something?" She asked quietly, watching it attentively. There was still nothing but silence. Essra was aware of how she was craning her head a bit, herself. Maybe it was time to try something else. She'd seen moments like this in fiction. Read about them. 

The girl had tried closing her eyes and ducking her head. She could /feel/ the presence of whatever this being was. Just.. hear the way the breeze was shifting around more then one body. 

Its wasn't near hers, though. 

Or saying anything telepathically, either. So much for that. When she'd opened her eyes, it was still just standing there. Essra took a few steps closer, despite herself.

"You really can't talk?" 

All she was getting was still complete silence. Fuck this! This was either some crazy person or a teenager in a mask and costume OR a really /dangerous/ person, in a mask and costume. She was about to die or worse.

Or so many people that said ''he'' was crazy were right and this was when she would find that out.

[Or it really was some sort of mysterious being and she was about to die. .. or worse.]

All seven options were ones to get away from. Fast.

"Okay. I'm going to go, then." was her slow statement as she'd turned to leave, starting to walk off quickly with her head turned halfway. Essy was eerily aware of how this things neck was craning so the blank expanse of its face could track her. 

Like its head was just one big eye. 

"Bye!" She said, starting to sprint. 

[She'd almost said "later." Gods help her.]

When she turned her head to look back after a few seconds, her watcher was doing just that - standing in place and watching. Although she couldn't help but feel like that in a way meant that it'd followed her. 

It was then that the young girl lost her heart completely and just /ran/ off down the path, rushing through the forest to burst out unto the street. She almost ran all the way home and only switched to a quick walk because she was getting tired. 

Her pace as she moved through the house was still fast, though. 

The living room was too small, right now - it almost felt like she was in a mouth. She /really/ didn't want to talk to anyone, right now.

So Essra hid herself in her room and just laid in bed, wondering what the hell she'd just seen. Did it really matter who or what it was or whether it was real or not? She was away from whatever that had been, now.

[''They were away from each other. Only just for now, too." was what some treasonous little part of her brain said.] 

Compulsively, the girl jumped out of bed and rushed over to her window. 

The street was empty but it felt so /full,/ suddenly. 

It was a grueling day after that and she'd ended up barging into her older brother Esmonds room to play video games in there. Alone at first and then with him.  
When she'd finally managed to get to sleep, she dreamed of that being standing in her clearing. Its arms were turned so that its palms were held out to her, this time.

[Then it was there at the far end of her street, as she was walking home.]

Essy woke up with a start that morning and breezed through breakfast, filled with a quiet confidence as she walked to the bus stop. 

She was going to solve a mystery, today. Maybe she'd get famous? Discovering that aliens were real or proving that spirits - maybe Gods existed? Not bad for a mixed Latina primary schooler from a colony world. From Prometheus!

Hydronia would love her and her family. Mom and Dad would be a lot more successful, too. Hell, so would the whole planet! 

So would the whole system compared to everyone around Sol, actually, now that she thought about it..

Of course, the first thing she did when she got out of school the next day was run to the path and give herself around a minute to breath. Her hands held the straps of her backpack in a vice grip as she started to march. If this thing tried to hurt her, she'd throw a book at it. Smash it with one, if she had to.  
If that didn't work, a stick would be perfect. 

Her march ended up becoming a walk as she came upon the clearing, though.

There was no one there. Whatever or whoever she'd met yesterday was gone. 

There was /nothing/ there. 

Essy stepped up to the edge of the clearing and just looked around suspiciously, swaying a bit in place. She was still squinting as she marched forward, turning slowly as she walked to the center. 

Nothing, still. No one. 

As she turned in a slow, slow 360 motion, she could just tell that whatever that'd been wasn't in the trees, either. The area just felt /emptier/ then it had, before. 

Not just yesterday, either. Every time she'd been here. 

It was a slow walk home after that, with a lot of glancing around. She hadn't wanted to stay there, suddenly. It felt disrespectful, not to mention slightly scary.

She definitely wouldn't want to close her eyes, either. 

===============================================  
That night, Essra dreamed of her clearing - empty, now. 

Then of her street.

Of the view from her window. 

She felt like she was being watched even though there was nothing there - or any people, either.

================================================  
Essy felt a lot more full the next morning.

She ended up only meditating in a field that she'd ended up finding after a few days after that, too. Every trip she took to that clearing had just felt disappointing ever since that day. 

It just wasn't the same. 

She paid a lot more attention to everything - especially people - for the rest of her life, though. 

People never really were disappointing, even the ones that were - right to you or someone elses face, too.


End file.
